Warning: This post is not your average "Everything is beautiful" post.......
Well, today finally came for the kids to show the parents how hard they worked ALL year on preparing for this special day. I'm not in the Primary anymore, but I was asked to sing a song with the children, so I was at the practices a lot. My children did great in the practices, so I expected the performance to go just as well for them. Spencer had prepared the same talk he gave in primary back in April and Jacob's line was, "Jesus was born into a family." We even went over it several times at home.
Now, I have to give you a little background in Spencer's performing experience. He has a PHOBIA! The biggest phobia I've ever seen in a child. Performance anxiety, I guess. You'd think that I could've passed on some sort of trait of performing to him, but alas, no! I tried teaching him piano, and it was the biggest fight of my life and it sucked ALL the energy that I had inside me. Needless to say, I went to bed completely frustrated for MONTHS! I finally decided to give up on it for a while and try back again when I've been recharged. Whenever he was assigned to give a prayer, scripture, or talk in primary it was SUCH A BIG THING! He would be fine at home when we would practice it and then when it came time for him to go up to the microphone and do it, he couldn't. One time he pitched THE biggest fit in front of everyone and it was totally, mortifyingly embarrassing for me. I've NEVER seen ANY other child act like that in primary. But I thought I saw some hope the last time he did his talk in April. I thought that he might enjoy doing an object lesson along with his talk for primary. We practiced and practiced and he was so excited to do it. Then when it came time to do it, he read it and did the object lesson perfectly without any problems. I was so proud of him and thought he was coming out of the darkness. Well, today was a different story. (p.s. a side note......Jacob has never had this problem!)
Getting ready for church was totally normal for us this morning. Except when I asked Spencer if he would practice saying his talk for me so I could help him with separating his sentences and talking clearly instead of like a robot. He totally freaked out and DID NOT want to do it, so we put it in his scriptures, and off we went to church. When we got there, everything was fine. But, the SECOND we sat down in the pew, Spencer decided to pick on Jacob, so Dan had to put them on either side of me. Lauryn was in my lap and WOULD NOT sit still and kept taking EVERYTHING out of the diaper bag, so I was getting a bit frustrated. During the passing of the sacrament, I thought it was the perfect time for Spencer to go over his talk.....he still DID NOT want to do it, so I whispered it to him in his ear, while he continued his whispering fit, all with rigid body slowly slipping out of the pew with disgust written all over his face. So, I finally said, I'm taking you out after the passing of the sacrament. Then he freaked out AGAIN and kept whispering, "I'll read through it, I'll read through it." I tried to ignore him. Finally, the sacrament was over. I took him out and talked to him about how I was trying to help him, but he was too angry to get over it. I hugged and kissed him and told him it would be great and we went in. The primary kids all went up to the stand and my kids weren't moving.........so I stood up and tried to take Spencer lovingly by the hand, but he was just dead weight in the pew. I pulled a little harder, lovingly, and he finally, begrudgingly, went up to the stand with me. Then I came back to get Jacob. He was upset because of the scene Spencer just made and had the look of disgust and horror as I took him lovingly by the hand up to the stand. WHEW! They were in their seats, but Spencer had his arms folded and the look of ANGER ALL over his face! Jacob had his head turned and was hiding his face in the back of the seat. I lost it. NONE of the other children had ANY problems getting up to the stand. NADA, ZIP!! It had to be MY children to make a scene and embarass me. I sad there totally distraught and COULD NOT enjoy the program, but I had to pull myself together so I could get up to sing my song. When it was time for Spencer to get up and read his talk, he got up and did it. But, we couldn't understand him because he was talking though his angry teeth. Then when it was over, he was totally FINE!! I went up, sang my song, came back to my seat, took one look at my children and lost it again. THEN, to top it all off, Jacob started SOBBING! The leaders let him just walk off the stage CRYING and come find me. AHHH! I took him out, hugged and kissed him and told him that I would go up with him and he could sit on my lap and it worked. He was FINE! Then when it was his turn to get up and say his line, he stood there at the microphone, put his chin down, tarted to cry, and ran back to me. He couldn't do it. When we started singing the closing hymn and he knew it was over, he started crying AGAIN because he wanted to say his line. The only thing that would get him to stop was telling him that maybe the leaders would let him do it in primary. They did, and he did it PERFECTLY!! WHAT THE???!!!
The events that proceeded this one in YW, were just as bad, but I'm gonna spare you the torturing details. It was a BAD DAY!! I seem to have a lot of those!
I still love my children no matter what. I know they are still learning the gospel. I know that they are just doing this because I'm their mother, but why did all the other children smile and sing and participate, and for my children it was torture????!!!!!
I don't think I'll ever know the answer to this question......
